Why Can’t I Orgasm?12 Surprising Reasons Denying Your Climax
Womens Day Magazine
Reading about mens and womens bodies, you will realize that there is a great difference between both, in thinking, emotional reactions and sex too. The way that climax happens in both is, too, different because in men it seems to happen straight forward and sometimes very easy without the least effort. But about women? Climax in women happens differently because it depends on many factors that are not only related to their physical state, but also the emotions. Sadly, only 10% of women can easily have normal orgasms without problems, while the other 90% experience climax problems on different levels.
That sad truth surely makes most women anxious and not happy about their sex lives. Of course some people succeed to fix that situation every now and then, but if they determine the real reason that denies their pleasure, they will surely be able to enjoy a happier sex life.
I included below the most common reasons that affect your climax and hopefully they will help making your sex life better.
1- You are not happy with your partner.
Whether you are married or not, feeling satisfied about your partner and the way he treats you is the No.1 rule in pleasure and reaching climax. If that’s the reason, speak with him about your desires and needs. Tell him frankly what you want him to do and what you don’t like. Ask him to please you in bed to be able to enjoy and please him back.
If you have marriage problems, financial problems, or any kind of issues, try to solve them or find a way to make each other relaxed before sex.
If your partner won’t change, and you feel like sex is becoming a duty/burden that doesn’t please you, then you are in the wrong relationship.
2- Stress & anxiety.
That is kind of related to No.1, but there are many other reasons that cause anxiety such as kids, daily chores, problems with family, work stress, health problems, financial matters, or any concerns/situations.
Psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner mentioned a survey from Valparaiso university in Indiana, that showed that more than 50% of women experience anxiety, frustration, worry, and negative thoughts during sex. It could be due to anything, including bad body image, lack of confidence or stress.
3- Lack of muscle tension.
Women are not all alike and what works for you may not help another lady to reach climax. So, if you were told to just lie down and relax and orgasms will happen, that is completely wrong!
Sex therapist Louanne Cole Weston, who writes for WebMD, said that the majority of women who have many orgasms learned to include their leg, buttock and abdominal muscles to build a fair amount of tension. She also recommends including the pelvic muscles to have strong, pleasurable orgasms.
4- Insufficient lubrication.
25% of women can’t reach climax if there isn’t enough lubrication. And that’s true, because lubricating makes male and female genitals more sensitive for the touch, otherwise you will have skin inflammation and feel frustrated.
Lubricants are available in pharmacies in many forms. I don’t recommend the silicone-based. Water-based lubricants are more efficient and give better pleasure.
5- Too much stimulation.
This part is a bit complicated, but starting where we said that every woman is different, that means some may enjoy long/hard stimulation while others will feel irritated. Men, according to ignorant thoughts from movies and friends, may consider long period and hard/fast thrusting as the best way to please women. Actually pleasure and climax in women are linked to the nervous system and its response differ from one to another. That means one would enjoy gentle teasing and steady pace thrusting, while others like hard penetration.
6- You aren’t using toys.
Well, toys weren’t made for bad reason. They were made to help getting better sex through different approach and actions. So, don’t feel embarrassed if you need to try toys; it is simply something new that may break the routine and make sex more fun.
According to the Journal Of Sex And Marital Therapy, 40% of women need clitorial stimulation to climax. Some of which need intense stimulation that only a vibrator can provide. And that doesn’t mean they have problems, but they simply may feel tense and unhappy, or they got bored after long years of marriage or any other reason.
7- You don’t masturbate.
Masturbation is not a bad thing as most people think. It is healthy, if you do it right and when you need it.
Marriage and sex therapist Kat Van Kirk says that masturbation gives you a clear sense of the pleasure points in your body and how you like to be touched.
It is also the best way to unleash your creative fantasies and imagination in bed, because some women want to try these fantasies with their partners and that technique is pleasurable for both.
8- You don’t speak out your needs.
This is related to No.1. It is important to tell your partner about your feeling and desires, because how would he please you if he didn’t know what you like?
Another reason is, women are not alike and some movements or angles may feel amazing for you, while it doesn’t for others. You should let him know about positions, angles, type of movements, how he speaks with you, if you want him to make sounds/scream/insult, if you like to touch him in certain way/position… all these things are very important in reaching climax.
9- You don’t pee when you need to.
According to research it is very hard to reach climax with a full bladder. That constant pressure on the bladder makes you uncomfortable, distracts you and sends other signals to your nervous system, different than those you need for orgasm.
10- You are taking certain medications.
Some medications affect your libido, like blood pressure medicine, antidepressants, antihistamines, birth control pills and other that raises prolactin levels. Make sure to read the side effects of your medicine and consult your doctor.
11- Lack of exercise.
If you spend most of the day sitting or you don’t exercise enough, this can affect your sex life. First of all it affects your pelvic muscles, hips and thigh joints, second it affects the blood circulation in this area, making it difficult to have good sex.
12- Low oxytocin levels.
Oxytocin is known as the “cuddle hormone or love hormone”. It is related to pleasure and usually secreted when you cuddle, touch, kiss, hold hands and orgasm. Of course it is not just restricted to sex activities; your body produces it when you cuddle your kids or your cat too.
It is just stress or lack of emotions that make this hormone level low, and you can enhance it by spending more time with your partner with more foreplay to make you relaxed and happy.